October 7, 2013

A Short Story

I rarely share my writing on my blog.  Fear of plagiarism, I suppose.  I also don't like unsolicited criticism.  But I thought I'd share a short story of sorts I wrote last week.  I'll accept gentle feedback.  Obviously compliments are welcome, and constructive criticism will be considered.  This story isn't for a class or contest; it's just something I felt like writing.  It doesn't have a title, so if anyone has any suggestions... :)


Eyes tired, I blearily glance up from the impossible algebra homework in front of me.  Rain tap dances consistently on my roof.  It streams down the windowpane.  Stretching my stiff limbs, I rise from the cushy spot on my ocean-like rug before proceeding to press my palm against the cool, smooth glass of the window.
Today is more of a curl up with a book day.  Schoolwork can wait.
I tiptoe down the creaky, ancient stairs, determined to not disrupt the tranquility.  Balancing on my toes, I retrieve the tea kettle from the top of the refrigerator.  As the water heats, my fingers dance over the various tea bags.
While I wait for my tea, the gears begin to turn.  Slowly, a story forms in my head.  I make a mad scramble for my writer’s notebook where I frantically scribble the short tale.
My fantasy cracks and breaks when a sharp whistle sounds.  I tumble off the kitchen stool and lunge for the tea kettle.  The steaming water tumbles into the mug with the sunflower on it.  I add a dash of sugar.
Back upstairs, tea in hand, my eyes trace over book spines.  As usual, the choice leaves me conflicted.  How can I choose just one book to read?  My heart sighs with relief when I finally pick Sense and Sensibility.

Then I settle on my futon, the tea on the low table beside me.  A fluffy blanket settles across my lap like a gentle old dog.  I open the book and disappear into 19th century England.  It’s as if Illinois in 2013 is no more.

9 comments:

  1. Great job! I especially like the blanket metaphor.thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Interesting vignette. Personally, I would recommend varying your sentence lengths a bit more, because the multiple short sentences in a row made it feel choppy. Try combining several ideas together, and reserving short sentences for the most important parts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I will definitely see what I can do about that. :)

      Delete
  3. I personally loved when you said "Rain tap dances consistently on my roof" and I couldn't get over how well written that sentence was, but then in the next paragraph, "As the water heats, my fingers dance over the various tea bags" you used the same word again and it left almost a bitter taste in my mouth as I read it. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the way both are written, but for my taste, I would have liked the spaced out a bit more. This was such a well written piece though! I love when you share your writing, Emma.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the feedback! I like carrying the metaphor throughout the vignette, but I definitely see what you mean.

      Delete